The letter below is addressed to Cupid written by the NBSB (no boyfriend since birth) Me in 2018. I hope Cupid took this seriously! 😂😂
Dear Cupid,
I don’t know what so special in having romantic relationships since I’m an NBSB, but I feel pressured whenever people try to associate my name in bold letters on topics regarding being single. It seemed like a low-key manner of telling me to at least deposit in my staggering bank account on romantic relationships. At times it hits me like it's an implied message which leads me to think that they’re comforting me for not being someone’s girlfriend. It’s not my fault. I’m a woman and I always prioritize conservative “Maria Clara” attitude over love (charot 😏). I wouldn’t want to be a hypocrite by making the first move. I feel like I would appear desperate and pitifully trying-hard to even try flirting. Isn’t it man’s role to impress a woman? (and now I'm blaming gender roles 😏) Don’t girls get guys by just being themselves? I’ve been being myself every breath of my life and yet all it did was attract friends and repel prospective boyfriends! (It sounds like I’m getting angry as this entry progresses 😡😢). Thanks to to those people who showed much concern to this uneventful aspect of my life. What can I do? I’m not as good-looking as you. (Now I sounded bitter, pfft.)
Truth be told, there are times that I tend to pity myself for not having a single experience of having relationships. There are times that I attribute extreme boredom and essentially languid moments to the lack of love life. No one to comfortably tell my silliest and deepest thoughts. No one to share a piece of the real me and no one to share that peculiar feeling of being in love. It’s sometimes what I feel like a missing piece to the zombie panorama you’ll see when you try to capture a day in my life. It’s particularly not helping having less to think about. This is just my first year of teaching so there’s nothing much going on with my career. The more spare time I have, the more I become tempted to dream about being in a relationship. The more I ruminate about the sad truth that there seems to be no one interested in me to think that there are billions of people in this earth.
Why do you (Cupid) ignore me? Why did you fail to pierce someone with that love arrow so that their freewill will be temporarily disabled thereby seeing me as an interesting person and eventually forcing them pursue me? Cupid?! Have I wronged you? Have I offended you at some point? I didn’t even dare to think about pulling your diapers off for the way you’ve treated me! How ungrateful! Why aren’t you giving me a boyfriend now that I have graduated? Are you making sure I'm available to the right person? Or did you not even bother to reserve a boyfriend for me at all? Yoohoo! I’m still here in case you have forgotten to add my name in your long list of loveless muggles.
My destination has always been limited to home, school, and malls. No one to take care of me in days I have free time on weekends (It’s not like all my friends are available all the time 😔😕). No one to make an effort to surprise me on Valentine’s day. No one to make arguments with and end up making up in the end. Oh! Poor me (both financially and romantically 😭😭)! How unfortunate!
Just a quick thought: I realized that by writing this entry I’m becoming one of those hopeless romantics waiting for someone whom I was never sure existing. By writing this entry, I realized that no matter how hard I try not to make a fuss about romantic relationships, I am just human and a woman. By writing this entry, I realized that I can never skip the Intimacy vs. Isolation phase in Erik Erikson’s Psychosocial stages of human development. (General Psychology subject, you have taught me a lot!)
I'm only human and I’m afraid I’ll end up dying alone in a house full of cats due to these unfortunate circumstances. Please Cupid let me know if you have someone in store for me. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to establish a family of my own. Please don’t make me wait too much and hope too big. It would really hurt to end up despairing. At least if the person I’m waiting for is still on the process of finding me, let me have a legendary career that will fill this emptiness. And once we’ll find each other, I will let him draw you with suit and tie for clothes.
If there’s a chance I can meet someone who’ll eventually I’ll grow old with, notify me by any means your abilities as a deity are capable of. Just a few suggestions for my boyfriend's specifications: if he has British accent, that would be a very big thumbs up and an exceptional add on!
For anyone interested in me, please be someone who can make me laugh, and has wide understanding of things. Someone who puts high regard to morality and smart in life. Please let it not be later than 25. 🙌 I’m literally begging now. (I can’t believe I’m typing this 🤦). How forlorn am I sounding right now? Cupid, 😭 can you at least sympathize in this dejected romantic life of mine! Love life is too wicked for me at the moment.
🤭I’m becoming really shy going on typing these thoughts out loud.
And by that I’ll end this letter of intent to you Cupid. Please never ignore me again! Thank you in advance! 🤟
Lovingly Yours,
A.J 😬
Me in 2020:
I am speechless! I never thought I was capable of writing those thoughts out loud. 2018 self will be too embarrassed if anyone finds out about this 🤣🤣🤣. Finding this entry written two years ago, I was really shocked to discover that I even set a deadline for that boyfriend Cupid will give me. Reading also the "boyfriend specifications" made me think that the many books I have read and the vast collection of Kdramas I have watched finally caught on my thoughts of my ideal man. 😂 Well, 2018 self, you should know that it's difficult to find a Filipino who has British accent and could be found within your web of social connections. What were you thinking? 🤦 Anyway, it was hilarious thinking that I have gone through this stage. The ME two years ago might have found these thoughts too embarrassing to discuss with someone else. Well, she was right. But now that I'm 23, I think I've moved past that stage (have I? 🤔).
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